Why Women Should Think About Marriage More Critically

The Right Husband Is an Asset. The Wrong One Can Become a Liability.

Okay, here it goes. I am just going to say it as it is. As women, we need to understand that who you choose to marry, and potentially spend the rest of your life with, is single-handedly the most important decision you will make.

I know that statement sounds odd coming from a twenty-three-year-old who just graduated from college not even a month ago, but it is the cold, harsh truth.

In recent months, I have heard a wide array of statements and questions about not only my future and career but also my current relationship status (it doesn’t exist, but I appreciate the genuine interest).

So tell me, Ayra, you have gotten so beautiful. Have you found a boy? If you just graduated from college and weren’t dating, then what were you even doing (uh, studying?)? Do you know the girls who say they want to get married in their thirties always end up single with no prospects, because they are so picky? If you want a man now, you need to start looking right now; he isn’t just gonna fall into your lap overnight. Remember that.

I have approached each of these statements with grace. Often deflecting by saying, I am not trying to force it. It will happen when the time is right, or my favorite, when I am trying to build myself a career. I want to be making six figures on Wall Street. I never want to depend on a man. I am going to business school. I am only twenty-three; I have so much time.

A part of me feels irritated every time I hear such irksome statements. I often find myself thinking: it is 2026 for Christ’s sake, why are we so obsessed with the idea that by a certain age a woman should be married, or worse, with child.

Now, to be clear, I don’t personally think marriage or raising children is gruesome. Quite literally the opposite. Both marriage and children bring profound purpose, love, and fulfillment to life. And one day, I hope to have the immense privilege of enjoying those sources of joy; but not right now.

However, I think we need to stop pushing women to conform to everyone else’s timeline. That in it of itself is very nihilistic. We are expected to be educated. We are expected to be ambitious. We are told to follow our passions. Our beliefs. Our core values. Our instincts. Yet by the time we reach a certain age, we are all of a sudden out of nowhere expected to find someone and get married.

But why? Why are we in such a rush? Life is not meant to be that way. Sure, if you find someone whom you really love and admire. Then that is great, that worked for you. But for many of us, that is not how it goes.

Going back to my very first sentence of this article, as women, we need to understand that who you choose to marry, and potentially spend the rest of your life with, is single-handedly the most important decision you will make.

From a young age, we are often told by society, for that matter, to think about our future. We are told to get good grades. Attend a good university. Build a career. Become financially savvy. Become independent. These are all valuable lessons. In fact, I am incredibly grateful that more women today have these opportunities that previous generations could only dream of.

What I have recently noticed is that whenever the topic of marriage or finding your mate comes up, all logic seems to disappear.

Suddenly, inquiring about such questions seems illogical, silly, and unromantic. Talking about finances is viewed as pessimistic. As too feminist.

You are not just choosing Mr. Right, who will check all your boxes. But you are also choosing the father of our future children. You are choosing someone who inherently shares your values: your alignment on finances, children, religion, and lifestyle.

A good marriage can provide stability, support, and a sense of partnership. A bad marriage can create challenges that persist for years.

Yet I feel like so many people tend to negate this fact. Especially to younger, more impressionable women.

For example, I recently started reading, Strangers by Belle Burden. It is a memoir about divorce and marriage. After reading the book, I firmly believe every woman, regardless of what phase of life you are in, should read it. While yes, the book does explore family dynamics, identity, memory, and relationships.

Since reading it a few days ago, I have found myself thinking about marriage in a way I never really did before. At its core, the book is a cautionary tale that shows that who we allow into our lives can shape our futures in ways we never anticipate.

One of the biggest messages I have taken away from this book is that who you marry and choose to spend the rest of your life with is not just a mere romantic decision. It is also a financial decision. An emotional decision. A family decision. A decision that can have consequences decades after you walk down the aisle.

I think, as young women, we are often told to romanticize a hypothetical wedding without fully appreciating how much our future partner’s character will shape the rest of our lives. We focus on chemistry.Compatibility. Mutual attraction. Or if someone makes us happy in the present moment. Those things matter, of course. But so does integrity, emotional maturity, financial responsibility, and the ability to navigate difficult situations with grace.

The truth is that love can make us overlook warning signs we would otherwise ignore. We assume things will work out for themselves. We convince ourselves that certain issues are temporary. We tell ourselves that love will be enough.

Sometimes it is. Sometimes it is not.

That is why I believe women should be incredibly thoughtful about who they choose to build a life with. Not because marriage is something to fear, but because it is something to respect. The right partner can make life easier, richer, and more fulfilling. The wrong one can create problems that linger long after the relationship itself ends.

Perhaps that is why I have never understood the obsession with forcing marriage to happen on a specific timeline. The pressure to be engaged by a certain age, married by another, and start a family shortly thereafter often leads people to treat marriage as a milestone to be achieved rather than a decision to be made carefully.

If marriage is one of the most important choices we will ever make, why would we rush it?

The right relationship cannot be manufactured through panic, comparison, or deadlines. It requires patience, discernment, and a willingness to walk away from situations that are not right simply because they fit a timeline.

That is why I believe marriage is one of those things in life that should unfold naturally. Not passively, but intentionally. There is a difference.

You can be open to love without desperately searching for it. You can desire marriage without making it the center of your identity. You can build a full and meaningful life while remaining receptive to the possibility that the right person will enter it at the right time.

After all, the goal is not to get married. The goal is to have a healthy, stable, and fulfilling marriage. Those are not always the same thing.

A wedding can be planned in a year. A marriage has the potential to shape the next fifty years.