"I'm Not Going Anywhere"

Choose the Person Who Stays

Image via rothjasmine (pinterest).

If you ask me, I firmly believe that today’s modern woman has completely transformed the world of dating.

We know what we want. We know what we don’t want. We know what gives us the ‘ick.’ We know what doesn’t. We know what green flags are. We know what red flags are. We have negotiables. We also have non-negotiables.

If you ask any one of us to show you our list of qualities we hope to ‘manifest’ in our future partner majority of us will do one of two things.

We will either show you the physical list in our journal or in our notes app, or we will tell you verbally, just in case you know someone you think will click with us.

He needs to be tall. He needs to be handsome. He needs to be ambitious. Career-oriented. Family-oriented. Well-rounded. Out-going. Knows how to have fun. Funny. Fashionable.

Okay, I am going to expose myself for a second here… some of the attributes I have listed above are just a few of the many qualities I hope to possess in a partner one day.

However, I feel like, and I am also guilty of this, we tend to miss a very vital characteristic: emotional availability.

Sure, in a perfect world, we all want someone who is ambitious. Who is educated. Who has a good job. Who is handsome. Who is tall. Who has a strong work ethic. Who is well-rounded. Who can make anyone laugh in a nutshell. Who knows how to have fun.

But this is a problem that I think we tend to have. We are always looking for a partner who will be with us through the good, but what about the bad?

Look as much as social media tries to make it look, nothing is perfect. And for that matter, no relationship is perfect.

You don’t want someone who will look good just on paper. You want someone who can see you at your lowest and still choose to love you.

You want someone who will willingly stay up with you when you’re sick and can’t sleep at night.

Someone who makes you breakfast on the mornings when getting out of bed feels harder than usual.

Someone who notices you are struggling before you’ve found the words to explain it.

Someone who sits beside you during moments of uncertainty instead of disappearing when things get difficult.

Someone who offers you comfort when you need it, support when you ask for it, and patience when you don’t quite know what you need in that very moment.

Because life is not always made up of celebrations, promotions, vacations, and happy milestones. Eventually, everyone experiences heartbreak, disappointment, grief, stress, illness, and loss.

And when those moments arrive, the person standing beside you matters more than anyone else. But because they are willing to face those challenges with you.

That, to me, is what love looks like. Not grand gestures. No dramatic declarations. Not fancy gifts. Just someone who stays.

I firmly believe that, before physical features, career ambitions, and personality traits, we should look for character.

We spend so much time looking for instant chemistry, attraction, ambition, intelligence, and potential that we often tend to overlook the one thing that determines how someone will treat us in the long run.

Because if you really look at it realistically, careers eventually fade into retirement. Attractive physical features turn old. Chemistry eventually becomes subtle. Circumstances shift.

But character and emotional availability are the two things that always stay consistent.

I suppose my track record isn’t the best for making such a grandiose statement about emotional availability, because in the past, one of the most prevalent deciding factors for me has always been the most impressive person in the room.

But the older I get, the more I realize how regressive that mindset actually is.

Because, while yes, being with someone who is impressive not only on paper, but also socially, is a big deal. But if that person doesn’t have the emotional capacity for you. Then, not even the impressive attributes, features, and career are worth fighting for in the relationship.

If someone’s character isn’t right. If they don’t have the emotional capacity for you. If they use your lowest points against you. If they verbally abuse you. Then is it worth it? Then can you even say that you are in a relationship?

I have said this on here a great many times, and I was just watching a TikTok from a fellow content creator who was talking about it as well: that, as women, who we choose to marry. Who we choose to spend the rest of our lives with is such an important decision.

We don’t realize it now. But who we choose to marry will greatly influence our lives and decisions for years to come.

That is why we need someone who will be with us through thick and thin. Because in every solid, healthy relationship, the good and the bad are destined to come.

I know this article may sound a bit silly, coming from a person who has never been in a relationship. But as a deeply observant individual. And based on the relationships that I have seen unfold throughout my family and friends.

At the end of the day, the strongest relationships aren’t the most aesthetically pleasing. They are the ones who stay when things get difficult.

When the right moment arrives, you won’t care about how charming they were on a first date, or how impressive their résumé looked, or how perfectly curated their life appeared from the outside.

You will care about something much more powerful. Their character and their emotional availability towards you.

The greatest test of a person’s character is not how they treat you at your best. It is how they treat you at your worst. And the most beautiful thing about finding a love that is so genuine and pure is finding someone who can see every imperfect, messy, and broken part of you and still say.

“I am not going anywhere.”

That is a love that I hope to find one day, whenever the time is right.